If only my tears I cry were diamonds.

If only my tears I cry were diamonds.
By M.A.R A.K.A MRClueuin

It's useless you know,
to cry. To sob, to go
into hysterics.

Oh, yes it's cathartic.
It calms the nerves.
Gentles the fragile
soul. But for all
and all completely
useless.

I've sobbed, cried, moaned.
Curled up in a ball, lying on my
bed, or soaking in a tub.


Still, totally useless.


It doesn't pay my bills,
get the rent out on time,
it doesn't even stop or
change time.


Oh, if only my tears I cry were
diamonds.
If only they were worth their
weight in gold.
If the price of dying a little inside
was worth the price!
I could pay off my sorrow in millions.

I could cry away worry about tomorrow.
Buy a minute or two of peace and relief.
Make my friends happy and my enemies
Nash their teeth in jealousy.

But I cry my tears and my sorrow is
still holding on with it's teeth.
Like a rabid dog it doesn't know
better. That it's acting like my
worse enemy.

If only my tears I cry were diamonds.



Wow, yeah! Your probably wondering what bought that on. Well my Dad, Charles R.,is dying. Due to some complications with his over all health. He's got Senior Dementia, can't swallow, and now he has pneumonia. This and add up other things that are going on with my life and you can see how hard it is to remain my sharp and chipper self. To all others who don't know what I'm feeling, I wish I could apologize for being such a downer but it's not going to happen, sorry that's just the way I feel right now. Peace.

Screaming With The Mute Button on.

Screaming With The Mute Button On.
By M.A.R A.K.A MRClueuin

I wrote this piece when I was having a feeling of hopelessness during my ongoing job search. There were and are some other ongoing issues going on with my life currently, more about that later, so I just thought it would somehow appropriate that I present this poem here now. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who feels this way. That is why I originally presented this poem to my fellow posters at Indeed.Com a month ago. There are a lot of people with a lot going on right now. Everything from facing foreclosure to finding that job to pay the rent and or mortgage, Utility bills, and Medical bills. This poem is for me and others like me.

What I gain I lose. What I hope for is gone.
When you look at me, you don't see what goes on.

You might think you know, what is the best thing to do but
till you really know you don't have a clue.

I try to keep my head up but failure keeps me down.
I try to stick my chin out but inside it's on the ground.

I try to put in place a face, a look called normalcy but inside I feel like a wreak. No one can feel my misery.

I'm screaming with the Mute button on but it's not on my face.
No one can tell that bad times have put me in my place.

When I was young I thought I had enough to put me on the top.
I'm decades older now, the top I never got.
My rent is due, my job is gone, and if you ever knew, the times I wish it all would stop you'd race to call a doc.

When asked; 'How are you?, I lie and say I'm Fine.
Although in my reality 'FINE' is Freaked out, Insensible, Neurotic, and Emotional.
What can I say, what can I do?
I go on for another day. Though I'm......

Screaming with the Mute Button on.
I'm afraid I'm back to square one.
I start again but oh my friend(s)
I'm afraid the screamings just begun.

Facebook $1499 a month! Oh hell no! My comment to Facebook. Why?!

Why Facebook? Why? I feel as if I have been stabbed in the back. I really love this internet company. When I found out what they are planning I practically went into shock. I was too tired last night to respond so this morning I wrote a comment letter to them this morning. Here it is.
( I know I only have one follower so if he is reading this I hope he shares this information.)
Here it is for what it's worth:

I don't know if this is really a 'General question or comment' situation however it seems to me that the the person and persons who run Facebook have lost their minds!
You have a mult-billion dollar company, you are number 1 in networking services, and billions of people around the world use your services. Yet for some reason you gentleman, (and for all I know ladies), think that you need to make more money off of the the consumers of your product.
Now what I want to know is why do you think that and how do you think that your consumers in these tough economic times that 'we' can afford $ 14.99 a month?
I myself pay 62.69 dollars a month for internet services and that's because I have just gotten a job. Before that I have been going to public and college libararies to surf the net. I have been pleased; (do you hear me?), please with your FREE services. Don't think however that I haven't noticed the commericial ads, the games that ask for me to buy tokens, and the applications that have commercials. Oh you want your consumers to buy your advertisers products and use their applications in which they pay you money in order to have the privilege to showcase these games.
So you get money from advertisers, you get money from these game companies, and god knows where else, (because I'm not privileged with the full knowledge of where else you get your billions or millions as the case may be), and now your consumers who have been used to receiving these free networking services abeit with the asformentioned commericial ads etc.; must now pay $14.99!
I have praise your services to the skies in my little blog, because of you I have reconnected with friends I haven't seen in years, I have met new friends because of you, but I will get there phone numbers and addresses if I have to and leave Facebook if I have to. Why? Because I can't afford $14.99 a month!
To tell the truth I can barely afford to pay for the internet services I have now. If god forbid I lose my job I can't see myself going though the rain, snow, heat, and travel exspenses to go to Facebook to use your services for the privilege of contacting my friends and family for $14.99 a month.
Now it's your turn to tell the truth. Don't reply back with a standard company response to my comments. Don't try to tell me that it's exspense in these hard economic times for you, President, Ceo's, and manegers of Facebook with billions of dollers at your command. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!
You must come up with another reason or solution to why you think 'we' the consumers must some how pay nearly 200 dollars a year. Something that I can believe in. Or else just don't do it. I don't belive you can because it just doesn't make sense.

That's it. That's my comment. Oh by the way I will be copying this comment and posting this in my little blog. So even though I may not have a lot of readers I just don't want this comment to be swallowed up in the mismer of comments that will get lost and forgotton by whom ever runs this page. I will be following up on this situation and also reporting it on my blog. Not much of a thing for a big internet company to worry about however you got to start somewhere. You did, in your college dorm with all your friends livin' off ramen noodles and pizza coming up with such a great idea for a networking service. Just think about that President of Facebook and others.

Sincerely,
Michelle Annette Rudd

Two Jumps ahead And You Still Don't Get Me.

I wrote this poem of mine on the fly and I was inspire by a talk I had with a friend of mine. I don't really know what it all means but the gist of it is about judgemental people. However you interpret it I think you'll enjoy it.


Run, run, run.
Go, go, go.
You have your life in order
and you think your better
than me.

Meanwhile back at the ranch,
I'm living life at the fullest.
You say I'm not and I'm
playing the fool but you
don't know me so more
fool you.

You look back and feel
satisfied. I look ahead
and ride, ride.
The future ahead of
me and you can only
see behind?

Are you really satisfied?

One jump ahead and you
still don't get me. Will you
believe that you still have
the power to upset me?

I know who I am, and where
I want to be. So why don't you
mind your business and just
let me be?

When you think your way ahead
of me, look down in front.
I'm the girl that's waving hi and
you just grunt.

I'm a fool, I'm an idiot, but with my
mistakes I'm ten time wiser than
you and I've got what it takes.
To survive, to thrive, to stay alive,
and while your feeling smug just
think of this; things stand the test
of time the longer it takes.

You wanna it done fast or do you
wanna it done right? My life is my
life, it's gonna be tight. So while
your two steps ahead and think
your perfect. I think you have
a lot to learn. Why don't you take
time to learn it?

Instead of judging me, criticising me,
and telling me I'm stupid take the
timber out of your eye and build
a house that's useful.

While your one step ahead of the game
while not knowing the rules and I'm
making the rules up as I go along.
Who's right? Who's wrong?

We'll find out later and don't be surprise
if you find me if I win this game of mine.

It aian't about you!

I wrote this little poem after this guy by the bus stop tried to pick me up and my way to work. (He was cute and all but waaaaay to young for me!) In the end though he ended up trying to sell me his RAP CD. Bought it of course but inspiration had to come from some where! Giggle!

It ain't about you!

By Clueuin A.k.a MAR

I put on lipstick and brush my hair. Spray on so much perfume I almost pollute the air. High heel boots, fat fur coats. So when I walk out the door, I look fierce.

But ba-by, here's the bad news....

It ain't about you!

Don't step to me feeling breezy.

It ain't that easy.

I ain't that easy!

What?

What?!

If I'm refreshing my make-up

it's not an invitation.

If I bend over to pick- up a

pencil, it's not a flirtation.

So don't step to me on the

train.

Are you insane?

Sorry son, I hate to break it to ya, (no I don't).

It ain't about you. Really.

If I'm feelin' you, I'll let you know.

You know?

Sometimes a girl just wants to look correct.

Sometimes it's all about Self-respect.

I mean where are you when I look a wreak?

So umm, don't come to me, step to me, with

a wack compliment/line. 'Cause if I need a

man, he's gotta stand the test of time.

'Cause sometimes ba-by.......

.....It ain't about you.