If only my tears I cry were diamonds.

If only my tears I cry were diamonds.
By M.A.R A.K.A MRClueuin

It's useless you know,
to cry. To sob, to go
into hysterics.

Oh, yes it's cathartic.
It calms the nerves.
Gentles the fragile
soul. But for all
and all completely
useless.

I've sobbed, cried, moaned.
Curled up in a ball, lying on my
bed, or soaking in a tub.


Still, totally useless.


It doesn't pay my bills,
get the rent out on time,
it doesn't even stop or
change time.


Oh, if only my tears I cry were
diamonds.
If only they were worth their
weight in gold.
If the price of dying a little inside
was worth the price!
I could pay off my sorrow in millions.

I could cry away worry about tomorrow.
Buy a minute or two of peace and relief.
Make my friends happy and my enemies
Nash their teeth in jealousy.

But I cry my tears and my sorrow is
still holding on with it's teeth.
Like a rabid dog it doesn't know
better. That it's acting like my
worse enemy.

If only my tears I cry were diamonds.



Wow, yeah! Your probably wondering what bought that on. Well my Dad, Charles R.,is dying. Due to some complications with his over all health. He's got Senior Dementia, can't swallow, and now he has pneumonia. This and add up other things that are going on with my life and you can see how hard it is to remain my sharp and chipper self. To all others who don't know what I'm feeling, I wish I could apologize for being such a downer but it's not going to happen, sorry that's just the way I feel right now. Peace.

Screaming With The Mute Button on.

Screaming With The Mute Button On.
By M.A.R A.K.A MRClueuin

I wrote this piece when I was having a feeling of hopelessness during my ongoing job search. There were and are some other ongoing issues going on with my life currently, more about that later, so I just thought it would somehow appropriate that I present this poem here now. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who feels this way. That is why I originally presented this poem to my fellow posters at Indeed.Com a month ago. There are a lot of people with a lot going on right now. Everything from facing foreclosure to finding that job to pay the rent and or mortgage, Utility bills, and Medical bills. This poem is for me and others like me.

What I gain I lose. What I hope for is gone.
When you look at me, you don't see what goes on.

You might think you know, what is the best thing to do but
till you really know you don't have a clue.

I try to keep my head up but failure keeps me down.
I try to stick my chin out but inside it's on the ground.

I try to put in place a face, a look called normalcy but inside I feel like a wreak. No one can feel my misery.

I'm screaming with the Mute button on but it's not on my face.
No one can tell that bad times have put me in my place.

When I was young I thought I had enough to put me on the top.
I'm decades older now, the top I never got.
My rent is due, my job is gone, and if you ever knew, the times I wish it all would stop you'd race to call a doc.

When asked; 'How are you?, I lie and say I'm Fine.
Although in my reality 'FINE' is Freaked out, Insensible, Neurotic, and Emotional.
What can I say, what can I do?
I go on for another day. Though I'm......

Screaming with the Mute Button on.
I'm afraid I'm back to square one.
I start again but oh my friend(s)
I'm afraid the screamings just begun.